Drawing Close Again

It is crazy how quickly the devil steps in when we pull away from God or become a little too relaxed and lukewarm in our faith.

Suddenly, all these little voices start creeping in.

You can’t do this.

You’re not good enough.

Go see what so-and-so is saying about you. I bet somebody is talking ugly about you. Go look.

What if this move is too hard? What if Gary ends up hating his new position? What if something goes wrong when we sell the house?

All these doubts come flooding in about different areas of my life. They make me pay attention to things I should not be paying attention to and question abilities I already know God has given me.

That is the devil, and that is how he works.

I don’t know if people who are not religious feel this in quite the same way because the devil does not have to work very hard on people who already belong to him. He wants to create separation between God and the people who are trying to walk with Him.

Of course, some people are naturally anxious thinkers, but I’m not. That is one of the ways I know my faith is real. When my eyes are fixed on Jesus, I do not have these kinds of thoughts. I am not consumed with fear, insecurity, or what somebody might be saying about me.

I think that is also one of the reasons why, all these years later, I am not medicated and have been able to overcome so much of my depression. I did it through the blood of Jesus. My doctor once called me remarkable, and that was her word, not mine.

Christ can heal so many things within us.

Maybe we are all simply human, flawed, and wired to struggle. But I don’t believe we can completely unwire ourselves without the help of Jesus. We were not designed to do life without God. We were created to worship Him, call upon Him, and need Him. He wants us to operate through His power and strength instead of relying entirely upon our own.

When we do that, we become stronger. Almost invincible, really. Not because painful things stop happening, but because we know we do not have to face them alone. He really does fight our battles for us, and I have watched Him do it. Believe me. LOL.

I do not believe in karma, but I absolutely believe in a very just God who looks after His children.

I will just leave that right there.

It is difficult to explain to someone what God’s love and favor feel like. But once you have experienced them, it is miserable trying to live without that closeness. There is something incredibly powerful about knowing you are deeply loved, watched over, and cared for as His child.

I see my husband experiencing more of that since becoming a Christian. Gary has never been a person who worries very much. He has always carried this general feeling that things will work themselves out. But we have faced some very real obstacles in life, and he has learned what it means to truly lean into his faith.

There is a difference between trusting God and simply not caring.

Not caring is not necessarily a good thing. You can care very deeply about a situation while still taking your hands off it. That is the entire meaning behind “Give it to Jesus” and “Let Jesus take the wheel.”

Get your hands off it.

Whatever is happening, stop trying to control every detail and let God deal with it.

If you can genuinely do that, He has an ability to work out a situation in ways you never could have conceived. He will sometimes do something so big and so undeniable that you know it could have only been Him.

I have learned to pray that way for other people too.

“God, please do this in such a way that they will know it could have only come from You.”

Because He can.

Sometimes I think we pray too small. I am not saying we should demand a six-figure income, a 6,000-square-foot house, two boats, and a move to Key West. Although, Lord, You know where to find me. LOL.

I mean that when we bring a broken situation before God, we should not be afraid to ask Him for complete restoration.

“Father, heal this situation completely. Take it, fix it, and make it better than it was before.”

It certainly does not hurt to ask.

The truth is that my humanness has taken over during the last couple of months. I’m not entirely sure why. Some of it may be hormonal. Some of it has been the chaos of school starting and our air conditioner being out for more than two weeks. Life has been loud, uncomfortable, and completely out of routine.

We all know the devil loves to operate in chaos.

Still, I don’t need to make excuses. I simply have not been making enough time for God.

I haven’t been getting up and doing my devotionals. I haven’t been spending enough time in prayer. I haven’t been praying with my children before school like I usually do. Those may seem like small things, but I believe they have an enormous impact on our lives.

When everything is chaotic, that is probably when I should be doing those things the most. But I haven’t been, and I can see the difference.

I have felt more anxious. I have been more agitated. I have caught myself going back to see what people are saying about me when I should not care in the least.

I cannot blame anyone but myself because if I don’t look, I don’t know.

I don’t care what those people look like. I don’t care what they are doing. I don’t care what is going on in their lives. The only thing I care about is what they say about me, and I should not even care about that. It is ridiculous to give life to opinions that should not have any place in mine.

So I had to stop and ask myself why I was feeling this way.

The answer was separation from God.

When people describe hell as separation from God, I believe that is true. Do I also believe in a literal hell after this life? Absolutely. I believe there is a just God, that evil will be judged, and that people who commit unspeakable evil, blaspheme God, and mock what is holy will answer to Him.

But I also believe there is a kind of hell we can experience here on earth, and that is separation from God. Once you have experienced His presence and favor, you can feel it when you begin drifting away.

People who do not know Him may simply believe that life is miserable, unfair, and hopeless. That is incredibly sad to me because they do not know who He is or what He can do.

God has worked absolute miracles in my life. He has done things so enormous and undeniable that there was no question they could have only come from Him. I love that He allowed my husband and children to witness some of those moments firsthand. They saw things that shook them to their core and left no room for doubt.

I wish everyone could experience God that powerfully, but I also understand that He wants us to seek Him.

Knowing God does not mean life will be perfect. I have experienced tremendous tragedy, loss, and grief. Having faith does not stop painful things from happening. It simply lets you know that you can survive them.

It changes how you see grief. It changes how you see life and death. You know that God is still in control, and you know what is waiting for you when your time in this world is over.

What a wonderful thing.

So today I am making the decision to draw close to Jesus again. I am about to turn on a sermon and let myself get fired up. I am going to listen to more praise music while I paint and draw. I am going to return to my devotionals, my prayer time, and praying with my children before school.

I want to let His presence consume me again.

I love feeling the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it is a tingle that travels from my head to my toes. Sometimes I get literal goosebumps because I know He is there.

I have not felt that in a while, and I have missed Him.

It is time for me to stop giving life to things that are unimportant and far beneath the life God has called me to live.

I know who I am.

I am His.

I am a daughter of the King.