Goodnight!

​I stayed up kind of late tonight working on a magnolia sketch. I think I like it, but I may change the composition a little tomorrow. I think it might look better sitting more off-center on the page, so I’m going to play around with that when I’m not so tired.

I also had myself a little spa night tonight. I trimmed my hair, shaved my legs, put a mask on my face, and soaked in a long, hot bubble bath. The kids fell asleep a little early, Gary was at work, and I got a little rare alone mama time. By the time he got home, he was exhausted. He came in and pretty much crashed, and now he’s asleep beside me snoring.

He is mentally worn out from this new position. He’s in major training mode right now, and he’s moved up to a Level 6 tech, which is basically where that position caps out unless he decides to move into a completely different area someday. So this could very well be his forever job. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with it and so much for him to learn, but even though he’s tired, I can tell he’s happy. We’ve been together almost sixteen years, and when you know somebody that long, you can just feel those things. He has a lot on his mind and he’s very focused right now, but underneath all of that, I can tell he feels proud of where he is. And I’m really proud of him too.

I’ve told Gary almost from the beginning that I don’t think he has ever completely understood how smart he is. Everybody sees the goofy side of him, and trust me, there is plenty of goofy, but there is another part of him that is incredibly intelligent. He reminds me sometimes of some of the kids I knew when I was in gifted classes growing up. Their brains just worked a little differently. Gary is especially gifted in math, science, memorization, and the way he stores information. One of the things his supervisors keep telling him is how quickly he learns. He can seem slow at first because he wants to understand something completely, but once he gets it, he gets it. Then the repetition kicks in, the speed comes, and he masters it.

I have told him for years, “Do you not see in yourself what I see in you?” Somewhere along the way, somebody convinced him that he wasn’t smart enough or capable enough, and it was bullshit. Sometimes somebody else sees something in you before you’re able to see it in yourself.

I remember years ago sitting in the garage at my mom’s condo. Gary was trying to convince me to go to Mississippi with him, and he told me, half joking and half dead serious, that he was going to get out of there, buckle down, and make something of his life. He used to tell me all the time that he didn’t care if he was ever rich. He just wanted to make enough money to take care of his family. He wanted his kids to have bedrooms and privacy. He didn’t want them sleeping on couches like he had. He didn’t want them getting old enough to drive and wondering how they would ever get their first car. He used to say, “I’m going to make six figures one day. I’m going to make sure my family is okay.”

And here he is. He did exactly what he said he was going to do. The funny thing is, I’m not even sure he completely believed himself back then, but I believed him.

We have been through a lot together, like most people who have been together this long, but one thing I have never questioned about Gary is his willingness to work. I don’t even know if he had that kind of work ethic before we met. Maybe he did, but I know something changed in him when I got pregnant. We got pregnant pretty quickly after getting together, and when he realized he had a baby coming, something lit up inside of him. Becoming a dad changed him. Honestly, becoming parents changed both of us. Being Mom and Dad has brought things out of us that I don’t think either one of us knew were there, and it’s probably the thing we have loved most in this life.

Tonight, lying here listening to him snore after another long day of trying to cram everything he can into his brain, I keep thinking about that young man sitting in my mom’s garage telling me all the things he was going to do. He did them. Maybe not overnight and maybe not easily, but he did them. And that is pretty damn cool.

Okay, enough of the sappy stuff. I did mention earlier that I am craving banana nut bread like crazy, and I think I’m going to try to make some tomorrow. I actually have a couple of ripe bananas for once, which is a miracle because usually when I want banana bread every banana in the house is green, and by the time they ripen I don’t want it anymore. I’m thinking almond flour, maybe a little maple syrup or honey, and possibly some sourdough starter if I can figure out how to make that work. We’ll see what happens.

Sweet dreams.

Xoxo- Jenny