I Swear I Feel Medicated

I don't know how to explain this, but I swear I feel like I've been medicated lately. 🤣 I haven't been, but I honestly cannot figure out what has happened to me. I just don't seem to get upset about much of anything anymore. And I don't mean one particular situation. I mean EVERYTHING. I have the hardest time even getting mad, much less staying mad, and that's just not something I've always been able to say about myself.

I've noticed it especially with Gary and the kids. I have so much more patience than I used to. Things that would normally frustrate me just don't anymore. Somebody can do something aggravating, plans can get completely turned upside down, and I just deal with it. I don't get all worked up, I don't dwell on it, and I don't carry it around with me for the rest of the day. It's almost like whatever normally causes that reaction in me has just stopped working. 🤪

I have wondered if maybe it's hormonal. Maybe I've finally moved into another stage of perimenopause and my hormones have settled down. Maybe it's spiritual. Maybe I've just reached a different level of maturity or contentment. I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that something has changed, and I can feel it in just about every part of my life.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I am still just as opinionated as I've ever been. I have very strong opinions about politics, religion, and all kinds of things going on in the world. And I'm not about to stop expressing them, either. 🤣 I still think some things are ridiculous, and if I feel like saying so, I'm going to say so. I just don't feel the need to get myself all worked up over any of it. I can have an opinion, express it, and go right on about my business. I don't have to spend the rest of my day stewing over it.

Even with everything going on in the world, I just don't have the fear that I used to. I mean, if the world ends tomorrow, it ends tomorrow. My soul is good. I love Jesus Christ. He's my Lord and Savior, and I know who I belong to. I'm not afraid of dying the way I once was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to go anywhere! I've got two children to raise, and I intend to be here for a long time. But I have a peace about death and my faith that I didn't always have, and I think that probably has something to do with how I feel about everything else.

I've also never been more secure in who I am. I know exactly who I am. I really do. I know my heart, I know my intentions, and I know the kind of person I am. I'm not perfect. Good grief, I'm a mess sometimes. We all are. But nobody is going to convince me that I'm some horrible person when I know better. Especially somebody who doesn't even like me. Well, obviously you don't like me! Why on earth would I put that much stock in what you think? 🤣

And that's another thing. Somebody would have to be a pretty important part of my life to really affect me in a deep, meaningful way. I would have to genuinely love you and care about you for your opinion to carry that kind of weight with me. That's not to say that other people can't irritate me. Of course they can. But irritating me and actually hurting me are two completely different things.

I mean, I can get mad at my neighbor's cat for getting in my flower beds. 🤣 Being mad is such a basic emotion. I can get aggravated over something completely ridiculous, and five minutes later I'm over it. That's just being human. But actually upsetting me to the point that I'm questioning myself, losing sleep, or allowing something to change the way I feel about my life? No. I just don't have the energy for that anymore.

And the strange thing is, I haven't even made some conscious decision to be this way. I'm not walking around practicing patience or reminding myself to calm down. I'm just not getting that upset in the first place.

I do wonder if some of it has to do with my health scare earlier this year. I spent six to eight weeks genuinely afraid of what some medical tests might reveal, especially because of my mother's disease. When everything came back wonderful, I promised myself I wasn't going to waste perfectly good days worrying about things that might never happen. Maybe something finally clicked.

I don't know what's responsible for this change, but I sure hope it sticks around. Because whatever it is, I like it! I feel like somebody has slipped me a happy pill, and I'm not even taking one. 🤣

And I am certainly not complaining!